I was once a first time mama. I was once where you are. They offer classes to teach you about how to take care of the baby. You know everything there is to know about pregnancy. You’ve downloaded the apps, bought the books, taken the classes. But childbirth and what happens to your body after? I don’t remember getting much information about that. Everything came as such a shock in the moment it was happening. Do what? Is this normal? I remember being in such a fog and being so frustrated with everything that was going on with my body and the baby. This time around has been much easier. Not physically, per se. But mentally. I think it’s because I know. I know what’s going to happen. I know what to expect. I know that there may be some new things that happen but I know that I have to roll with it until I get my footing. I’ll tell you a little about what happened to me during childbirth and THE FOURTH TRIMESTER.
Be Prepared to Throw Your Birth Plan Out the Window
Random Person: Do you have a birth plan?
Me:………………….get the baby out.
This has been my motto for my second pregnancy. Listen, I’m all for a woman that has a birth plan and more power to you if you can execute it. But guess what? Sometimes, the baby (and your body) aren’t going to do what you think it’s going to do. I’ve heard of more women’s birth plans NOT going according to plan. I’ve had moms tell me that they were going to have a vaginal birth only to get rushed into emergency c-section. You just don’t know what’s going to happen.
Take me for instance. I thought my water would break, I would go into labor, epidural, have the baby a few hours later and live happily ever after. Did you know that only 12% of women have their water break? At 41 weeks, the baby hadn’t dropped and my cervix wouldn’t open. It was like a steel trap. They induced me but it STILL took 30 hours to get my kid out. I had to have my water manually broken and my membrane striped. It was 2 days of my vagina being exposed and jabbed at. That wasn’t MY birth plan. During my lovely overnight stay at the hospital, connected to a bag of pitocin, I started to hear screaming from the room next door to me. When the night nurse popped in to check on me, I asked what was going on. She said the woman wanted a natural childbirth (no epidural) and her doula was trying to coach her through the pain. The screaming went on for about an hour. Then, suddenly, it stopped. The night nurse popped back in.
Did she finally have the baby? I asked.
Nope. She begged for an epidural. She threw her birth plan out the window.
Here’s another example: I have a mom friend that had her kid in 16 minutes. SIXTEEN MINUTES. Do you think that was HER birth plan??? Needless to say, she wasn’t able to get an epidural let alone think about a freakin’ birth plan. She said she screamed so loud her husband tried to cover her mouth. She barely made it to the hospital.
Birth plans are great and all but, be prepared if things don’t go your way. I’ve worked out this entire pregnancy and I have everyone telling me I’m going to give birth more easily this time. That would be lovely. But I’m not getting my hopes up, I have no expectations and I’m not going to get disappointed if things don’t go how I think they’re going to go. I’m preparing myself for anything at this point.
You May Crap Yourself During Childbirth
My Bestie: “Oh girl. I shit all over the bed while I was pushing. It was everywhere…”
Me: ……………………..”say what?”
This is just one of the many gross things that happens during a vaginal childbirth. But no one TOLD ME that it’s a possibility that I could take a dump while trying to bring my precious baby into the world. I straight up asked my doctor if I was going to crap myself during childbirth.
“If you’re pushing correctly, you’re going to defecate.”
There you have it. Poop. Everywhere. But I will say that doctors and nurses are so professional (and quick) that they’re mopping it up before you can even smell it. It’s embarrassing….but you’ve also got your legs up in the air pushing a small human through your vagina.
You’re Going to Walk out of the Hospital Still Looking Six Months Pregnant
Janet says she walked out of the hospital wearing her pre-pregnancy jeans. Janet is a liar. Karen says she only gained 15 pounds with her first pregnancy and 18 pounds with her second. Karen is a liar.
Don’t get caught up with everyone’s AMAZING postpartum victories. Honestly, I haven’t seen anyone in real life bounce back right away. Sure, I’ve seen mom friends that were glowing from the joy of their baby but they still had that recognizable pooch where the baby was. I put WAY too much pressure on myself to GET OUT of the maternity clothes. I wanted OUT of them immediately. My husband even went out and bought a bunch of new workout clothes (in larger sizes) and I was only disappointed to realize that nothing fit regardless of size. Childbirth does something to you where everything spreads and shifts and it takes a while to get it all to shift back. My butt grew wide and flat (your pelvic area widens to prepare for birth) and maternity clothes are MADE to fit a pregnant and postpartum body. This time around I’ve realized there’s nothing wrong with sporting the maternity clothes for a hot second after the baby comes out. Besides, they’re going to be way more comfortable.
You’ll Be Wearing Diapers for Up to Eight Weeks
And extra large maxi pads. And cooling pads. And witch hazel pads. And numbing spray. The smell of the witch hazel pads and numbing spray will haunt your senses for weeks. You’re going to be bleeding like a stuck pig for at LEAST six weeks. Even if you have a c-section. If you have a vaginal birth, you need all the extras to soothe the throbbing in your vagina. I had NO IDEA. I had a mom friend that gave birth a few months before I did. She called one day and said, “I have a bunch of postpartum stuff I’ll leave on your porch.” I started sifting through the bag thoroughly confused with the contents. After I gave birth I realized what it was all for. The amount of bleeding you experience after birth is enough to fill up a diaper. Your vagina is so swollen from birthing and stitches that the cold pack becomes life. And the squirt bottle? I didn’t know that you wouldn’t be able to wipe your hootch. You gotta squirt it. Don’t get me started with trying to poop with stitches in your butthole. The good news is that the vagina is a magical organ that slowly starts to grow back to normal after time. It’s only temporary and it goes away.
Giving Birth is Like Running a Marathon
Only you’ve never trained for this marathon. And you’re about 50 pounds overweight. And your shoes are on fire. And everything is on fire. And you don’t get to eat anything even if you’re in labor for 30 hours. I’ve been through a 30 hour labor and delivery. I got to eat popsicles and jello. My husband would walk into the room with cake pops from Starbucks forgetting I wasn’t allowed to partake. NOTHING is going to prepare you for what you are feeling after childbirth. This was my second baby and the pain and aftermath STILL hit me like a ton of bricks. I worked out my entire 38 weeks of pregnancy and going to the bathroom, standing up straight, getting out of bed was still such a struggle. It takes DAAAAAYYYS (for some, weeks) to recover. The good news? Every day gets a little better and you get a little stronger. Giving birth to a baby is an incredible feat. It’s a lot of work. It’s the workout of your life. Be prepared to feel like an entirely different person from the inside out.
There’s Going to be a Lot Going on in the Hospital (during and after delivery)
Delivery isn’t dramatic like in the movies. I had my doctor at my crotch, my husband holding one leg and a nurse holding the other. There was no screaming or insane running around (although I have heard screaming coming from other rooms). But then as soon as the baby pops out, there’s a team of people coming in. Someone looking at the baby, someone cleaning the mess, someone organizing tools to stitch you up, someone taking vitals…and then suddenly they all leave and you get to have time with the baby for a while before you move to recovery. They are in and out faster than you have time to ask them their names.
But you don’t just go into your recovery room and that’s that. You’ve got nurses coming in and mashing down on your swollen uterus to make sure it’s shrinking back to normal. They’re checking your crotch to make sure you’re bleeding still. You’ve got lactation consultants coming in constantly to tell you how to breastfeed (if you’re going that route) and squeezing your boobs to try and express milk. You’re taking pain medication every four hours because with the breastfeeding and the shrinking of your uterus you experience mild contractions (that’s right, even AFTER birth). Your baby is going in and out for tests and wellness/vital checks. If you have a boy and decide to get him circumcised, he goes and gets that done and then you have to be trained on how to treat it. Recovery in the hospital is busy and it’s not really a lot of rest, unfortunately. I remember being so relieved to check out and go home. Then the party really gets started..
The Baby Turns You into a Baby
When you get the baby home, there’s somewhat of a honeymoon stage where the baby is just sleeping all the time and you have to wake them every 3 hours to feed. But then, they start to become aware that they aren’t in a warm, tight little womb anymore. They become scared and look for comfort. A lot of the time, it’s the comfort of your boobs and they are sucking on them constantly. Then your boobs start to crack and bleed because of all the constant nursing and you cry because it hurts so bad. Then the baby just cries and you can’t figure out why they’re crying. You JUST fed the baby, why is he crying? Then you are cradling and shushing and walking back and forth with a baby you can’t get to stop crying and then you start crying because this is all happening in the middle of the night and you’re exhausted. There are moments when the baby isn’t crying and they look so adorable while they’re sleeping and they give a little smile (because they farted, not because they’re happy) and you start crying because you created this little being that just smiled “for the first time.” When your husband tries to help and he swaddles the baby all wrong and the baby could be in danger because of your husband’s incompetence and you start crying because raising the child is now all up to you. You start to lose your hair, huge clumps of it in the shower and you form bald spots on your hairline and you cry because now you have to get implants to regrow your hair.
See where I’m going with this? The first few weeks of having a baby is so emotional. This little human has been thrown into the world and everyone – including the baby – is trying to navigate life. You’re trying to get to know each other, trying to figure out how each other clicks, trying to catch a few zzz’s here and there…it’s a lot to take in. Here’s my thought: just let it all out. Cry. We all need a good cry. It doesn’t make you a weak person. It just means you care. And that you’re exhausted.
The End Result is One of Life’s Greatest Blessings
So much negativity, Ashley! What’s the point of having kids if it’s just so miserable??? Yes, the beginning stages of having a baby is MISERABLE. There’s so much self doubt and wondering if you’re cut out for the job. Everyone is exhausted and you wonder what you got yourself into. But then, the fog lifts and the infant turns into a baby. Everything starts to calm down and you are at the light at the end of the tunnel. Then you forget about all the craziness at the beginning. You see this child and you wonder how you ever did life without them. The joy of having this little human reach out to you, to hold you, to call you mommy, far outweighs the chaos in the beginning. Take it from me; I was once someone that said I’d NEVER have kids. I didn’t like the little brats running around restaurants and disturbing the peace on plane rides. I never babysat growing up and my son’s diaper was the first I’d ever changed. And my body? Oh, I wasn’t going to let a baby ruin my rock hard, 115 pound frame. Now I look at my boys and think how they are so worth every stretch mark, dimple and roll. They are worth the sleepless nights and my oldest son is a spitfire that destroys everything in sight. Childbirth is hard. The fourth trimester is harder. But it’s more than worth it in the end.
~Ashley